im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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