And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Hippo gnu deer
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
