Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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