If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
