Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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