I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
