im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
