so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
