I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
