he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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