He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Boobs are out for the taking
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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