It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
