I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
