Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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