Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
