So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
