i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
