What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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