About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
