No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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