i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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