my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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