at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
