well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Randomize
