Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
