It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
