Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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