Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
