Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
