Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
