I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
