I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
