I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
