the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
