So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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