Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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