I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He has the fingertips of a God
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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