just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
