What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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