So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
