I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
