i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
