Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
