He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
