Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
