I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We are all done wearing pants today
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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