Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
