I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
