I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
