I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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