billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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