I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
