this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
