Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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