three words: i give head
three words: not that well
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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